Now if only she could run eighty-eight miles per hour...

The Wife is a time machine. I don't mean that she has a great memory (because you lose 10 percent of your brain power when you're pregnant). I don't mean that she keeps all of her old clothes and recycles styles from a bygone age. I mean that if you jump on her back and get her to run eighty-eight miles per hour you could go back to 1965.

One of the things about being "with child" is that your tummy expands. The expansion, of course, is the result of the baby growing inside you. This phenomenon is accompanied by the outie. Belly buttons, which are normally concave, pop up like those plastic turkey-cooking indicators. I believe that there is supposed to be an audible "pop" during navel inversion.

The Wife's navel has yet to invert, but as she nears that point, her belly button is becoming shallower and wider as the skin stretches under the strain of maternity. I noticed last night for the first time that her belly button has a distict Y-shaped pattern in the creases. Indeed, my wife has a flux-capacitor. GREAT SCOTT!